You have been preparing for this day all week. You are excited about a gigantic, delicious meal. Get excited.
Plus you’ve been putting in some serious meditation and mental focusing in for the last two weeks to be able to deal with the large amount of crazy that is headed your way dealing with your entire family for a whole day.
And you know that you are going to be halfway drunk by the time you get there any way.
Then it’s time to get ready, and we all know this is a competition so you need to look fierce.
You make your entrance.
See annoying cousin, B-line for the alcohol so that you can feign pretending to care to hear about how well she is getting over that weird rash that has been plaguing her.
Then it’s starting to get late in the afternoon and you are so hungry, and the food is starting to be put out on the table and you’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting until…
Until you’ve eaten your body weight inset potatoes and turkey and you’re all:
Until someone brings out the desserts and you’re all:
Then you realize you’ve upset the ratio of food to alcohol in your stomach and you are all:
Then you realize you literally might be dying.
After dinner and dessert the small talk continues, but by now you’ve had too much to drink and the really messed up conversations begin:
Then it’s time to leave but you are basically immobile from the amount of food you’ve just eaten and the several gallons of alcohol you’ve been consuming for the past 12 hours.
Then you get a cat nap:
Then you realize it’s time to go black friday shopping!
But you’re still drunk and you’re not insane and you remember you don’t go black friday shopping. So…